Happy Monday to ALL!
What are you doing with your 3 choices?
Are you creating the life you want day by day? Are you making choices that are logical, practical, and nourish your emotional needs?
Or are you repeatedly stepping in the shit and wondering why the world is so screwed up because everyone else isn’t supporting you?
This series will share simple, clear-cut options for making decisions more effectively in your life. , If applied, the awareness gained here today can improve your choices, reducing stress in your life significantly.
YOUR 3 CHOICES (Pt. 1)
In a previous blog, we looked at the question, “Do I have free will?”
In a nutshell, I shared that “yes”, you do have free will, provided that you are aware that you have other choices, options available to you.
I previously shared my viewpoint that if a person is still unconscious of their childhood, and social programming in general, they will act out their programming, even when it hurts.
The result is, more often than not, the repetitive recreation of experiences many say that they do not want, but can’t seem to stop.
If you’ve ever lived or worked with an addict, you are probably familiar with such commentary.
If you meditate on the issue of choices with the intention of identifying what our essential choice options are, you are likely to find that the tree of choice options converges into three root-choices.
My diagram above shows that in relationship to any person, place, or thing, you have 3 essential choices at any given time:
1. The Optimal: The green arrow extending upward from the tai-chi symbol (here representing mind) represents the optimal choice.
Part of being aware of how to make effective choices is being clear on who you should consider communicating your choices to if you want to minimize stress in relationships.
There is very little of any significance we can do alone in life. The essential element for reducing stress and increasing productivity when making choices is to be considerate of the needs of everyone on your dream team.
Your dream team consists of all the people directly involved in the creation of anything significant in your life; for those that still depend on their parents, it’s safe to say that regardless of what your choice may be, it has the potential to impact them.
For example, when I use to race stock cars, we had weekly team meetings to prepare the car for the next weekend’s race.
As the driver and chief of the team, if I decided to show up late, or not show up at all, the team was debilitated. They just stood around chatting until I got there to direct them, but wouldn’t appreciate wasting their precious time that way.
By simply calling them (or getting them to spread the word among each other), I could give directions and they could get started. This one simple act shows how communicating a choice can effectively support productivity and harmony on a dream team, and how not communicating can cause lots of unwanted stress on your dream team.
2. The Sub-optimal: The suboptimal choice is typically the choice that offers you instant-gratification, but often creates pain in key relationships. The sub-optimal choices, as I see it, is still a good one.
Sub-optimal choices can often create pain, and pain is an excellent awareness development tool. When the PainTeacher arrives, it’s generally an indication that our choices are moving us in the wrong direction.
A choice is sub-optimal when it results in going against your own core-values, causes unnecessary harm to others, or, breaks communication and cooperation among dream team players.
3. Do Nothing: “Do nothing” is a choice option with two essential qualities.
First of all, to do nothing when you would be wise to “do something”, is usually the most problematic choice you can make.
The negative aspect of “Do nothing” is that it is often related to apathy. When a person is apathetic, it means that they don’t care.
In attachment research on infants and their responses to parents, care givers, or lack there-of, it has been shown that a child has a higher likelihood of developing both a health disease and criminal behavior when raised by parents that “don’t care.”
Even children raised with physically, emotionally and mentally abusive parents fare better than children that are ignored. Being apathetic can actually considered the opposite of love, for even abuse implies a willingness to connect.
To not participate in your own life is the worst choice one can make.
Being apathetic and doing nothing can cause some very explosive events to occur in your life though.
Many have asked me in my classes, “Paul, how could being apathetic and doing nothing cause big problems to happen; beyond the challenges of sub-optimal choices?”
The answer is simple. The next time your mortgage, rent, car, phone, or electric bill comes in the mail, simply do nothing. Try that for three months and watch your life start to change very rapidly.
That’s the power of the negative form of “Do nothing!”
Second, doing nothing is positive when you are unsure because you lack information.
Doing nothing is also a good choice when you are in an argument or disagreement with someone; when it seems that no matter what you say, or how you say it, the situation worsens.
This is when you use the Non-violent communication principle (see https://www.cnvc.org for more info) referred to as calling a “Time Out“.
When calling a “Time Out”, you are choosing to disengage as politely as possible before making a decision that may cause pain in your life, or the lives of others unnecessarily. Even if someone is being abusive to you, it is unwise to justify abusive behavior in return, when at any time, you can choose not to participate.
When calling a “Time Out” in situations where things are escalating toward the negative and you don’t feel you can make healthy contributions to the conversation any longer, you have to have the strength to walk away.
Many people love to fight and calling a “Time Out” only seems to encourage them to be more aggressive, making it dangerous to stand there and keep begging for a “Time Out”.
You have to have enough courage to simply walk away after making one or two polite requests.
A CLEAR PATH TO MAKING BETTER CHOICES
To take advantage of the 3 choices you have available in relationship to any person, place or thing, at any time in your life:
1. Clearly define your dream and the people who are part of your dream team.
Only when you are sure who is on your dream team, can you know who you need to inform of relevant choices.
Do your best to communicate anything to each dream team member that may impact their own planning, decision-making, and participation in your life.
To learn how to identify your chief dream, goal or what your legacy is, I suggest studying PPS Success Mastery Lesson 1. How To Find and Live Your Legacy.
This lesson includes specific guidance on how to establish dream-affirmative core values. Optimal choices can’t be made without clearly established core values.
You may also find my Audio program, How To Follow Your Dream-Line. This audio teaches you how to track and manage your choices relative to your stated dream, goal or objective. And, it just happens to be one of our specials this month!
2. Celebrate, but try not to repeat suboptimal choices. They are great learning experiences that create awareness.
Each time you create, or participate in unwanted conflict with yourself, or others on your dream team, it’s a good idea to get clear on what your own wants, needs and feelings are.
Before focusing on what the other(s) says and reacting, asking them what it is that they are wanting, feeling or needing right now often helps resolve the issue faster.
You will find that many people, particularly when irritated, say a lot of things that actually aren’t relevant to the situation at all.
They may bring up the past to leverage you. They may criticize your clothing, and many other things that are “reactions” to the situation, but not directly related to it.
By asking what the other person(s) immediate wants, feelings or needs are, you can better understand how to respond to the immediate needs. You may hear something like, “I JUST WANT YOU TO LISTEN TO ME!”
At that point, it may be wise thing to just stop talking long enough to let them express themselves effectively, honestly, and openly. Doing this without running a defense dialogue or counter-argument in your head is what “listening” actually is.
If you find that you have a hard time listening (you will know from having others tell you that you don’t listen to them), chances are good that you are unclear as to the importance of relationships for effective dream-building.
It may also be that you lack basic self-management skills. PPS Success Mastery Lesson 2. Self-Mastery will give you the tools you need to reduce unwanted relationship stress with yourself and others.
3. To “Do nothing” effectively means that you call a “Time Out” when you need more time, information or resources to make an intelligent decision.
Share why you’ve called a “Time Out”. Then, leave politely so you don’t unnecessarily contribute to the dissolution of a relationship.
I hope you’ve enjoyed my little lesson on making effective choices today.
If I have time tomorrow morning, I’ll continue the series. If not, I’ll have Vidya publish a Tao-te-zen sutra, and we’ll continue real soon.
Now for the SHOW-N-TELL FROM THIS WEEKEND
Mike Salemi is a CHEK HLC2 that has competed in US where he won the National Championship!
He’s been very successful in his career, but came to a grinding halt with a problem common among motto-cross racers called “arm pump”. This painful, aggravating condition occurs when blood gets trapped inside a muscle, often due to over training with faulty movement patterns, or because of restrictions in the local fascia.
When I first evaluated Mike I found several physical adaptations from his lifting method that were restricting blood flow to his arms. I also noticed that he displayed some of the technique flaws that are very common among those that do a lot of kekttlebell lifting.
That doesn’t mean his technique was “wrong” based on the methods most kettlebell experts teach. This is yet another example where what is being taught is an expression of what someone else did to win, but isn’t necessarily biomechanically efficient, or wise.
Over the past several years as the kettlebell has become popular and large groups of trainers, coaches and people have been using them, I’ve seen a series of similar problems, frequently connected to the same biomechanical faults. and misunderstandings.
In each case, when I corrected the patient’s form (they see me because they are in pain), they all said, “But that’s not how my teacher taught me to do this lift!”
My next question usually is, “does your teacher have back pain, or any problems with their neck, shoulder, or arms?” The answer is often “Yes!, funny you should ask that”!
Mike was a competitive power lifter before taking up kettlebell competitions. He’s very strong in general, but unfortunately, like many athletes, has over-developed his phasic – prime movers relative to his postural/stabilizer or tonic muscle system.
Here you can see me working with Mike on a progressive rebuild of his lifting technique.
We began by restoring two of the most essential infant development patterns, and then progressed to reestablishing a foundational breathing rhythm.
Mike is an excellent student and I’m enjoying working with him. I suspect he’ll return to competition with a whole new method and a LOT more functional strength to share with his competitors.
Great job Mike! Keep up the great work Bud!
If you are interested in being coached by a kettlebell expert with lots of experience at a high level in the sport, feel free to visit Mike’s web site at: www.mikesalemi.net
HAPPY 40th BIRTHDAY TO RYAN HUGHES!
Friday was Ryan’s 40th Birthday. It’s quite a significant time in Ryan’s life because just weeks ago, Ryan crashed racing and fractured 4 levels of his thoracic spine, pinching the spinal cord.
He lost all feeling from his toes to his nipples in a few minutes. He was rushed to the hospital for evaluation and had to have a six level spinal fusion with rods to stabilize him. This is a very big surgery with a lot of careful recovery steps involved.
For Ryan’s birthday, Vidya and I invited him and his lovely wife, Jennifer over for lunch. My next gift to my long-time client and (Wild) Buddy was an hour with two chicks!
When I told him I wanted to have him over for a birthday gift, he asked me if I had a beautiful woman for him? I replied by text and said, “No, I have 2!” Well, needless to say, he showed up on time!
I sent him into my treatment room with only a towel on and told his wife to get ready with her camera because Ryan’s two girls would be coming in any moment.
I then stuck my left hand through the door and said, “Ryan, this is your first girl. Her name is “Homely”. Then I stuck my other hand through the door and said, “Ryan, this is your second girl – her name is “Ugly”; they have both come to give you a massage for your birthday!
Here you can see a happy Ryan after getting postural balance therapy and reflexology. He got off the table a much taller, happier, freer man.
After I gave Ryan his massage, I had him and Jennifer sit next to my water charger so they can benefit from the energy balancing it creates. I had just tuned it up with some very powerful healing stones and they both felt the energy very strongly.
While they rested there, I had them drink water from the charger to harmonize their inner-water frequencies with the charger. This has far reaching stress relief benefits on the body-mind. They both loved the experience.
Vidya asked me, “What do you want for dessert with Ryan’s Birthday lunch?” I intuited something that would work for me, that I thought he’d like too.
I asked Vidya to take organic raw shredded coconut as a base, then pour a bunch of coconut milk after freezing it some over the base. To that, I asked her to add some fresh mango, and some berries. She made a couple special modifications to get it all to stay together nicely and also toasted the coconut crust.
When it was done, it was Heaven in Heaven Baby! It was like coconut ice cream with a toasted bottom and fresh fruit; cold and lovely! Give it a try!
LOTS OF RATTLESNAKES IN HEAVEN
Vidya was out gardening and she came across this little rattlesnake.
It’s about two feet long. You can tell how old they are by the size and number of rattles on their tail. Even though it’s small, it can still bite you and it does have venom. Their rattles also tend to get bigger as they age. We’ll show you a mature one in a moment!
Vidya was gardening outside next to my water charger and I was typing away when all the sudden, she yelled, “Get your camera!”.
I couldn’t hear her well because she was afraid to yell too loudly, so I said, “What? I can’t hear you?”. She said, “Get your phone! There’s a big rattlesnake right here on the patio!”
Well, indeed there was! She’d just come across an even BIGGER one about an hour earlier in the day on the other side of the house, right next to my healing room. That one left her shaking for hours!
There’s LOTS for them to eat around here, and there are underground rock caverns and caves all over the place, which is their ideal place for making dens. We love them and don’t ever want to hurt them.
This is their home too. We just have to be very careful walking around because they hide themselves incredibly well. They even change their colors to match the environment.
Typically, people only get bite by a rattlesnake if they step on them, or if they try to handle them. We now have to slow down and both “look” and “feel” while walking around the property. I love it. Great zen training for sure!
Here you can see the snake uncoiled as it heads out of the house garden area. It’s probably going back to its den since we talked to it about going somewhere more appropriate and the sun was soon going down.
Rattlesnakes love to sunbath. They often sit right on the edges of shadow and sun because hawks love to eat them. While this one was on the patio, a hawk came by and it immediately coiled and rattled its tail vigorously!
As soon as the hawk was gone, it calmed down. This one has lots of rattles on it’s tail, so its probably about 5 years old.
OUR FIRST DEER IN HEAVEN
I was here alone working yesterday and I looked out the window just in time to see a beautiful, big deer feeding on some of the trees in the orchard across our property.
It was a ways away and this is the best photo I could get with full zoom on my iphone. It was beautiful, strong and healthy looking. After watching it for about 20 minutes, I saw another one jump out of the brush and follow it up the hill behind the trees.
These are the first deer we’ve seen since moving in four months ago. It’s lovely to know that they are nearby.
So far, we’ve seen loads of coyotes, several rattlesnakes, loads of huge lizards, mice, tons of rabbits, a bobcat, all sorts of different hawks, ravens, buzzards, blue jays, swallows and too many other very cool and beautiful birds to count.
Every day is an exciting adventure here in HEAVEN and we love it!
Well, that brings you up to date in my life.
I’m taking the day off tomorrow to install a new infrared sauna at home in Vista. I’m going to research their effectiveness for detoxification. I’ll share more with you once I’ve got it up and running and have some feedback.
Love and chi,
Paul Chek
