Happy Wednesday to You!
I hope you are all cultivating and experiencing well-being.
I had a busy day coaching a client yesterday, but snuck in a quick pushing session at lunch. I did a short evening sun meditation with my client, which was fun to share.
LEARNING TO LOVE
We all learn to love in stages. In my PPS Success Mastery Program, all my teachings are based on a progressive model of self-development, which is depicted as “I – We – ALL”.
These stages parallel the love model I’ve developed and teach in my program titled, The 1-2-3-4 For Overcoming Addiction, Obesity and Disease.
Initially, we are all born of an act of sexual interaction. Once born, we all go through our infancy, childhood and adolescents banging into other people, places and things.
Carl Jung refers to these events as developmental collisions.
These developmental collisions, be they with animals, objects or people, are often “violent” to ourselves and/or others.
Pain is the most powerful programming agent for the human nervous system and it is through these collisions we naturally learn to avoid what hurts or ails us.
There is no time period in which this, or any stage of our love development is confined to; you can be 70 and still be a sex and violence lover!
Once we’ve had enough sex and violence love affairs with people, places and things, we generally get more clear as to the conditions that allow us to feel and give love most effectively.
Once we are clear as to how we best love and are brave enough to ask the other how they feel loved, we are entering into the realm of “WE” development.
Being clear as to the conditions we desire is the hallmark of the beginning of the Conditional Love phase of our process of learning to love.
When we have developed our core “I-values”, as I teach in PPS Mastery Lesson 1. How To Find and Live Your Legacy, we are capable of knowing when to say “NO”.
We find quickly that others want to be loved or give love under conditions that don’t fit our chosen value structure.
If we continue to love against our own core values, that indicates that we have a sex and violence love relationship with our selves; this is a good time to get professional help.
Inevitably, we find that no matter how clear we’ve been with statements of values, or sharing how we best feel loved, there are still plenty of challenges.
This is largely due to the fact that we are often making conditional love contracts with sex and violence lovers (S&V), to whom contracts or agreements are rather unimportant relative to meeting their individual needs.
We also find that we have generally got great, reliable relationships with those that are clear in, and live their core values. This is comforting.
Only after adequate time and experience with sex and violence loving and conditional loving (CL) can we ever possibly become an authentic empathetic and compassionate lover (ECL).
The ECL stage of loving emerges from our own life experiences and allows us to see where the other is on their own path.
With time and experience, we begin to become hip to the follies of the developing lovers.
We have the experience and wisdom to know that what looks bad or ugly to others is ultimately an essential process we must go through to gain the wisdom to learn to love All people and all living beings.
The EC lovers who are authentic are not all soft and gooey like most people think they would be by the title given here.
EC Lovers are typically quiet wise. They have often been parents and have been in charge of many people throughout their work lives.
EC lovers have usually had many experiences of being abused by S&V lovers. S&V lovers naturally see empathy and compassion as “weakness to be exploited for their own personal gains.”
The budding EC lover typically goes through a variety of uncomfortable experiences that help them learn to love more wisely; this process never actually comes to an end! Even the great spiritual masters had lives full of such challenges right to their dying days in most instances I’ve studies.
EC lovers learn that the best way to help an S&V lover is to help them establish the optimal conditions for loving effectively relative to achieving the experience(s) they want.
Where the EC lover “wants” things that aren’t optimal for their health and well-being, the wise EC lover helps the S&V lover establish healthy awareness of their authentic needs as a basis for managing and channeling their creative energies.
Learning to love is the only way God can come to know God. Many of my patients and clients ask me “why did God create such a screwed up, crazy world if God is Perfect?”
I remind them that every significant spiritual or religious teaching system inherently agrees on the fact that Love IS God.
God, as First Principle, has no other to love but SELF. The creation of an apparent not-self or ego allows there to be a subject – object and/or “I – thou” relationship, without which, there can be no perception or experience of love.
If God were purely NO-THING, there would essentially be no-thing-to-love. Though God can “Know Everything”, God can’t experience everything without experience.
We are God’s experience, which produces God’s Wisdom.
When we consider the model of learning to love that I’ve shared in brief here (I expand much more in the 1-2-3-4 program), we can see that love is the source of all evolution.
The word evolution essentially means little to bigger, while involution means bigger becoming littler.
The only way God can truly experience what “God IS” is to enjoy the ego, which never allows us to see all of what God “IS” until it is healed and whole, which exemplifies the state known as “enlightenment”. When we take advantage of the gift of the ego, it allows us a span of time and experience in which we are god getting to know God.
When we reach the point of having enlightenment experiences, we at once realize the absolute beauty of God’s means to and end.
We can be more aware of what the evolutionary process of living through the love stages is when we read the word e-v-o-l-u-t-i-o-n backwards. It reads “No-it-U-Love”.
We have made the journey into God and understanding why and what God is when there is “no-it-you-love”.
At this point, you may fully realize that because God is God, there is, and can’t possibly be person, place or thing that isn’t God.
We realize then what Buddha meant when he encouraged us to drop object desire, and be present with the inherent desire we all have for life (when we are sane and healthy).
Personally, I think God is absolutely hilarious! The Greatest Magician! The greatest Trickster!
In all that, God IS The Greatest Lover.
God’s Love is Unconditional, which essentially means that “God can never say NO!”
Thus it says in the Bible, “ask and ye shall receive”. Thus the saying, “be careful what you pray for”.
It is essentially because all thoughts are prayers that I developed PPS Success Mastery Lesson 2. Self-Mastery, which teaches how the brain and nervous system are programmed.
The lesson teaches how language works to create constructs within the ego-mind.
Once we are aware at how the matrix of the social-mind and individual mind are constructed, we can begin the process of reprogramming ourselves such that we are more aware of where our growth potentials lie.
Then, instead of criticizing, ignoring, or wounding ourselves with guilt, shame, blame and pain, we simply see these things as experiences that offer “awareness” and redirection.
Regardless of what we believe now, we all evolve until we become Unconditional Love once again.
God doesn’t seem to be in any hurry because once there, all God has to do is start the whole process again!.
Take your time and enjoy learning to love because it’s essentially what the whole Universe was created for, and there’s nothing else, or better to do!
Love and chi,
Paul Chek
