Hello from Beautiful Sunny Sydney, Australia!
I’m enjoying my time here and am excited to share a simple method for improving the management of your mental-emotional energy.
Without realizing it, most of us are acting out our childhood programming. We may find ourselves in a heated argument over where the keys were last left, or who did or didn’t pay a given bill.
Arguments can become so common, that without realizing it, they become a way of life for us.
That way of life comes with fatigue because whenever we disconnect ourselves from others to defend ourselves or prove a point, there is always a looser generated.
Whenever there is a looser generated, we create the illusion of separation from that person.
Because separation is an illusion that isn’t supported by the reality of the universe, we must provide the energy it takes to created and maintain separation ourselves.
This easily results in fatigue; fatigue that can lead to poor dietary and lifestyle habits as unconscious coping tactics.
Unlocking The Illusion Of Separation
It is natural that we don’t always communicate in a way that others do. It is natural that we make mistakes.
It is natural that we have feelings and that they can get hurt.
It is unnatural to allow this to happen to yourself so frequently that your quality of life and relationships diminishes.
Next time you feel your emotions begin to rise and you feel the need to separate yourself from another by using judgments, stop for a moment and ask yourself, “Am I safe right now?”
If you can rationally see that no one is trying to harm your personal self, you have access to food, water, and shelter, and are just in an argument or tiff of some kind, then pause and breathe.
Take a few deep breaths through your nose. As you exhale, say to yourself, “I am safe!”, “I am safe!”, “I am safe!”
Knowing that you are safe allows you to take a moment and look for the unmet need being expressed by you, and/or the other person.
If you aren’t sure, it is good to guess. For example, “Bob, I’m guessing the reason you are upset this morning is because you have a need for me to open the door right on time?”
To the degree that you are being honest and open in your inquiry, you are likely to get a response like, “Yes! That is my exact concern”.
Instead of trying to fix the situation with more talking, it is often better to give empathy; “Thanks for sharing Bob. I understand. I’m willing to do my best to open then store on time.”
Any verbal exchange beyond the point of giving empathy to yourself and the other is usually a symptom of an ineffective communication model.
Open-minded witnessing of how often you add extra fire, or force your point just to be sure everyone knows you are “right”, and other actions of that nature gives you the chance to reflect on weather or not those actions (behaviors) reflect who you chose to be now at this time (now) in your life.
If we know with our own integrity that we are safe from any harm (now), then we know it is also safe to slow down and feel for the unmet needs behind any judgments, be they our own, or another’s.
When you know you are safe, you also know you are safe to grow.
As we practice, we come to realize that everyone is loving the best they can.
Have a great day!
Love and chi,
Paul Chek
